Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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