he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
