I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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