its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
