that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
