my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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