Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
