they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
