Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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