Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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