3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
