apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
