Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i think i just lost a toe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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