Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize