I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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