Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
