I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
