people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
