But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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