you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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