Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
