I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
