Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it hurts more in the daytime
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
