I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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