every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
