She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
