the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
