You made me cry and you don't even care
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
