i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
