yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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