so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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