I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
