If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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