You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm both gender and math confused
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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