I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
