Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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