the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
