I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
