oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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