11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
