dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
