Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
