Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have aggressive nipples.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
