she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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