We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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