$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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