Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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