Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
