Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
