I just pynch a tree in the face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
