I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
