it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
