u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize