i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
