Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
