Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
