Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
