Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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