She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im holly from the hills drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
