Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize