omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
