That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize