I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
