i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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