I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
