i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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