R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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