I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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