my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize