YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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